King of Jungle on a Monkey's Visa

In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not More than 1 kg of meat a day.

The lion thought its prayers were answered. When one day a Dubai Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to Dubai Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/C environment, a goat or two every day.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. The lion thought that may be they cared too much  for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India .

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day gain the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious; it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering bananas to me?

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle ... but... you have been brought here on a monkey's visa

Moral of the Story....
You have a value in your own country only in other countries you have no value... So Respect Your Country.*

Finally a book for all MEN to understand WOMEN

Funny

 

--

"Dream is not that what you see in your sleep, Dream is the thing which do not allow you to sleep"

Regards,

How to Catch a Lion Funny

How to Catch a LION

 

 

 

 

 

Newton 's Method:

 

Let, the lion catch you.

 

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

 

Implies you caught lion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Einstein Method:

 

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

 

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.

 

Now you can trap it easily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rajnikanth Method :

 

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.

 

The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

Jayalalitha Method:

 

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Manirathnam Method (director):

 

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark

 

room with a single candle lighted.

 

Keep murmuring something in its ears.

 

The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

Karan Johar Method (director):

 

Send a lioness into the forest.

 

Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

 

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.

 

First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.

 

But 2nd lioness loves both lions.

 

Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

 

You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

   
                                                    

 

Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

 

 

Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. 

 

 

Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rahul Dravid s method:

 

Ask the lion to bowl at u.

Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Bosses Expectations.....

Bosses Expectations…….

"Dream is not that what you see in your sleep, Dream is the thing which do not allow you to sleep"
-- 

Bst Rgds,
Mohammed Shakir.

Follow me on ::
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"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."

Quran [2:216]  But you may dislike something which is good for you, and you may like something which is bad for you. GOD knows while you do not know.
P Save a tree. Use Less Papers. Don't print this e-mail unless it's really necessary!!

Best Technical Interview ever!

Best Interview ever.... read it till the end.

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.  Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.  Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!  Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.  Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.  Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.  Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.  Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.  Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.  Candidate : No, no... I am talking about Exams!!  Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?  Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.  Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?  Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!  Interviewer : Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?  Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)  Interviewer : And which languages have you used?  Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.  Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?  Candidate : It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!  Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?  Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.  Interviewer : What is your general project experience?  Candidate : My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!  Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?  Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.  Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?  Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!  Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?  Candidate : Not much. 1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand. 2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent. 3. I believe in flexi-timings. 4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans. 5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork. 6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefervUS, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?  Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.  The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.

It does not matter: ..............Who you are?

May be you are The King of the World...

May be you are most dangerous...

May be you are independent...

May be you rule others or rule the World...

May be you are loved by evveryone...

Either you are a Gentleman...

Or the most Dangerous Killer...

But The fact is this...
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When you are at home...
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.

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...Wife is Wife...

...Does not matter Who the Hell are you...

Do Bosses know their Staff?

Missing Husband!!!

Missing Husband
<sub>A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes</sub> 

 _{Woman Never noticed}

_{Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.}

_{The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!! !!!!!!}

Have Fun!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boss : I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k

Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is ok.....but ? how much is DRIVING salary...?

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?

Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?

Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Amitab : In which state Kavery flows?

Sardar : liquid state.....

What A Superb English!!

Always allow the boss to speak first..!

A Junior Software engineer (SE), a Senior Software engineer (SSE) and their Project Manager(PM) are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".
So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pufffff" and he were gone.
Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.”Pufffff" and he were also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30 pm"  
 
Moral of the story is: 
Always allow the boss to speak first..!  

Missing Husband

Missing Husband!!! A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband: Woman: I lost my husband Inspector: What is his height  Woman: I never noticed  Inspector: Slim or healthy  Woman Not slim can be healthy  Inspector: Color of eyes  Woman: Never noticed  Inspector: Color of hair  Woman: Should be black  Inspector: What was he wearing  Woman: I don't remember exactly  Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????  Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together. The woman started crying Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!! !!!!!!

AN ARAB STUDENT'S EMAIL TO HIS DAD ( Humor )

                      An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying: 

  student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:

Dear Dad 

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really

like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive

at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB

when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, 

Nasser.

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail

from his dad:

My dear loving son,

Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us.

Go and get yourself a train too.

                                 Love, your Dad.