Best Technical Interview ever!

Best Interview ever.... read it till the end.

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.  Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.  Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!  Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.  Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.  Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.  Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.  Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.  Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.  Candidate : No, no... I am talking about Exams!!  Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?  Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.  Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?  Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!  Interviewer : Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?  Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)  Interviewer : And which languages have you used?  Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.  Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?  Candidate : It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!  Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?  Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.  Interviewer : What is your general project experience?  Candidate : My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!  Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?  Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.  Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?  Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!  Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?  Candidate : Not much. 1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand. 2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent. 3. I believe in flexi-timings. 4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans. 5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork. 6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefervUS, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?  Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.  The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.

Stress And A Glass of Water!

 
 

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,
raised a glass of water and asked,
"How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g. to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn'tmatter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued,

"And that's the way it is with stress management.

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,

as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,

we won't be able to carry on. "

"As with the glass of water,

you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.

When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.

Don't carry it home.

You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you're carrying now,

So, my friend, put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.

Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon,
and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet,
just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good
if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be
recalled by their Maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today...I did.